Intermediate
Poems About Loss
Posted on: 18 Sep, 2008 04:54 AM
Inspired by Auntcat, I've just added new poems. They are personal poems about loss.
A poet and essayist Stephen Dunn writes "For a personal poem written in the first person to be good the poet must work against the dangerous tendencies of the 'I' - self-congratulation, solipsism, untransformed confession". I often write personal poems and I often teeter on the brink of all of the above (that is, if I haven't already fallen in). Poetry is risky business!
PS- Dunn adds that personal poems that give the reader the experience of the struggle or perspective on the struggle are "good poems"
Regret
September in Seattle for a wedding
The air was clear and summer warm,
the sound still, draped around Vashon Island
We brought our husbands, an adult getaway
and left the children home
You stood in front of the hotel
wearing a long velvet dress
slate blue as Elliot Bay beyond
“This is my big chance,” you said
“ I’ve always wanted to wear a dress like this.”
“Too bad about my arms,” you said
as you turned the insides of your elbows out
to show me black streaks down snow-white skin
bruises from the chemo needles
evidence that you would not be alive
the next September
Your eyes looked bigger and clearer than the pale sky
bigger than their impossible blue marble size
“Your head is a perfect shape,” I told you
laying my hand at the nape of your neck
That whole weekend -
as you sat next to me in the church,
as we walked uphill under a row of Liquid Ambers,
as we turned our chairs to watch the first dance -
you let me know that you would die
I watched you dance that night
not wild, just swaying in the crowd
When you came off the dance floor
you looked at me and wanted to talk
Lets do this again next year… was all I could say
unable to have that final conversation
My Dead Grandmother’s Summer Bed
I wake in my dead grandmother’s summer bed
my face buried into her plaid cotton pillow
I wake to her smell of warm black coffee, Jean Nate
red lipstick, pine and dust
The scent of chinquapin
moves through the window pane
carried on the screams of jays
They are calling for her
I expect my grandfather, the age I am now
to appear bedside with a tray
two pieces of bacon, toast and a fried egg
more black coffee
He’ll pull back the thick green curtain
let boughs that rest against the glass see in
The sun will slide across the room
across the wide bed
I will move close to my grandmother
put my chin on her shoulder
to listen as she reads the comics
all beyond me, out loud
Now I hear my own children’s footsteps
rise in the room next door
lift my head from the pillow
The green curtain is shut tight
I wait for them to climb in beside me
I have never felt so certain I will die
Submitted by Auntcat on 04 Oct, 2008 09:02 AM
Thank you so much for the explanations, Kirsten! Yes, now I am able to understand the poem in the way you had thought about it. I think it is better to explain the poems we write as comments. Because, now I wonder how the reader can read and understand my (so-called) poems too. So that it makes it easier for the reader to understand the meanings, the references, the nouns used in the poems and makes reading more enjoyable:)
You are an expressive writer!
- Reply to Comment >
Submitted by Gomathi on 28 Sep, 2008 04:41 AM
thanks for reading so carefully Gomathi. Almost every word you brought up is a word related to my california environment. Here are soem explanations
from the first poem
- Sunset is a very popular western lifestyle magazine which my
grandmother subscribed to for years and saved in her garage
- the ornamental birds are decorations, mostly for christmas, also
stored in her garage
- my aunt's condition, which is both physical and emotional, means
that many days she has debilitating headaches
- Alzheimer gentleman refers to an elderly gentleman in the nursing
home who has Alzheimer's disease (characterized by disorientation
and extreme loss of memory)
from Regret
- "adult getaway" is a phrase we use to mean we adults are going on
a trip (or a night out, even) without children - a grownup
getaway
- "chemo needles" are the needles used to administer chemical
therapies into the bloodstream of cancer patients
- Liquid Amber is a type of Maple tree- glorious broad leaves that
turn deep red in the autumn
From the last poem
- Jean Nate is a perfume that was popular in the 1960's and 70's -
my grandmother wore it
- Chinquapin is a shrub that is especially abundant in the sierra
mountains , the location for this poem
No wonder you were confused!! And many of those
words are proper nouns you would not find in a dictionary. Hope
this helps.
You are an expressive writer!
- Reply to Comment >
Submitted by Auntcat on 28 Sep, 2008 03:05 AM
Thank you Catherine. I feel that way about your poems. They tap into the part of me that is a caregiver, sometimes hopeless, sometimes in awe.
Yesterday I spoke with Becky Foust, a local poet whose first
chapbook has had quite a bit of success. The book is full of
intimate poems about raisiing her son who has Aspbergers Syndrome
(autism). About halfway through reading the book I realized that
these poems told a universal story of parenthood, not just the
story of a special needs child. I guess a lot people felt that way
as 170 folks showed up for her Book Release party, rare numbers for
a poetry reading (unless you're Mary Oliver or Billy
Collins).
- Reply to Comment >
Submitted by Kirsten on 26 Sep, 2008 03:52 PM
Beautiful poems. The third one especially resonates--I have a
dozen poems mourning my grandmother. Some are very raw and
uncomfortable with grief. I think I work out some of the grieving
as I write. The last line of the third poem is very "I" but it
makes such a universal statement/experience that the "I" of the
poem becomes the "I" of the reader. The power of any good poem is
in transformation:
something changes, some idea is upset, some new realization is
reached. The truely marvelous poems take the reader into that world
and set them to making connections to the poem and to their own
experiences or ideas.
Yesterday I spoke with Becky Foust, a local poet whose first chapbook has had quite a bit of success. The book is full of intimate poems about raisiing her son who has Aspbergers Syndrome (autism). About halfway through reading the book I realized that these poems told a universal story of parenthood, not just the story of a special needs child. I guess a lot people felt that way as 170 folks showed up for her Book Release party, rare numbers for a poetry reading (unless you're Mary Oliver or Billy Collins).
- Reply to Comment >
Submitted by Auntcat on 25 Sep, 2008 03:03 PM
Beautiful poems. The third one especially resonates--I have a
dozen poems mourning my grandmother. Some are very raw and
uncomfortable with grief. I think I work out some of the grieving
as I write. The last line of the third poem is very "I" but it
makes such a universal statement/experience that the "I" of the
poem becomes the "I" of the reader. The power of any good poem is
in transformation:
something changes, some idea is upset, some new realization is
reached. The truely marvelous poems take the reader into that world
and set them to making connections to the poem and to their own
experiences or ideas.
- Reply to Comment >
Submitted by Kirsten on 23 Sep, 2008 04:03 AM
Hi Kirsten! Great poems, with delicate meanings. But many lines are very new to me like:
...desicated sunsets, exotic ornament birds, debilitating
headaches, Alzheimer's gentleman in the poem 'My aunt from
Charleston'.
Also,
...an adult getaway, chemo needles, row of liquid Ambers from the
poem 'Regret'
...Jean Nate, scent of chinquapin from the third poem.
The adjectives used are quite new, will have to search the
dictionary for me to enjoy the poems to its fullest conveyed
meaning:) Still, it made me read through again and again for me to
understand, thanks to the comments passed, they simplified the
meanings to me:)Thanks Kirsten!
from the first poem
- Sunset is a very popular western lifestyle magazine which my
grandmother subscribed to for years and saved in her garage
- the ornamental birds are decorations, mostly for christmas, also
stored in her garage
- my aunt's condition, which is both physical and emotional, means
that many days she has debilitating headaches
- Alzheimer gentleman refers to an elderly gentleman in the nursing
home who has Alzheimer's disease (characterized by disorientation
and extreme loss of memory)
from Regret
- "adult getaway" is a phrase we use to mean we adults are going on
a trip (or a night out, even) without children - a grownup
getaway
- "chemo needles" are the needles used to administer chemical
therapies into the bloodstream of cancer patients
- Liquid Amber is a type of Maple tree- glorious broad leaves that
turn deep red in the autumn
From the last poem
- Jean Nate is a perfume that was popular in the 1960's and 70's -
my grandmother wore it
- Chinquapin is a shrub that is especially abundant in the sierra
mountains , the location for this poem
No wonder you were confused!! And many of those
words are proper nouns you would not find in a dictionary. Hope
this helps.
- Reply to Comment >
Submitted by Gomathi on 22 Sep, 2008 10:33 AM
Hi Kirsten! Great poems, with delicate meanings. But many lines are very new to me like:
...desicated sunsets, exotic ornament birds, debilitating
headaches, Alzheimer's gentleman in the poem 'My aunt from
Charleston'.
Also,
...an adult getaway, chemo needles, row of liquid Ambers from the
poem 'Regret'
...Jean Nate, scent of chinquapin from the third poem.
The adjectives used are quite new, will have to search the dictionary for me to enjoy the poems to its fullest conveyed meaning:) Still, it made me read through again and again for me to understand, thanks to the comments passed, they simplified the meanings to me:)Thanks Kirsten!
- Reply to Comment >
Submitted by Kirsten on 19 Sep, 2008 06:49 PM
That 2nd poem struck me pretty hard that my eyes welled.
"Lets do this again next year? was all I could say
unable to have that final conversation"
Fortunately in my story, I did see her again... and again, and again. My mother is a breast cancer survivor and there were moments when that thought occurred. Is this her last Christmas? Her last Birthday? Every year became more precious than the previous and now forgotten that it ever happened. This poem is making me realize that it's still as precious as ever. Thanks for the reminder, I'm calling my mother now!
________________________________
"Found the right path. Turned left."
Write your 6 word memoir.
http://www.engcafe.biz/?q=node/2646
- Reply to Comment >
Submitted by Raymond on 19 Sep, 2008 04:03 PM
That 2nd poem struck me pretty hard that my eyes welled.
"Lets do this again next year… was all I could say
unable to have that final conversation"
Fortunately in my story, I did see her again... and again, and again. My mother is a breast cancer survivor and there were moments when that thought occurred. Is this her last Christmas? Her last Birthday? Every year after beating cancer, became less precious than the previous and now forgotten that it ever happened. This poem is making me realize that it's still as precious as ever. Thanks for the reminder, I'm calling my mother now!
________________________________
"Found the right path. Turned left."
Write your 6 word memoir.
http://www.engcafe.biz/?q=node/2646
- Reply to Comment >
Submitted by Sam on 19 Sep, 2008 04:01 AM
Ohhhhhhh!!!! I am not aware of that. We used to say touchy and
touching in the same sense. Okay let me edit my comment and change
it to touching.
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